Recently, I gave a tutorial on effective communication at Harvard Law School. Here's the outline, including references.

Last week I spoke to third year students at Harvard Law School.

Last week was very exciting. In some sense it was a culmination of my professional activities – a validation of what I have done and the choices I had made. I expected it to be a very satisfying experience. Unfortunately, it was not. Perhaps it was the dissonance between my excitement and my expectation. Perhaps it was inevitable. Perhaps it's not that significant.

A few months ago I was contacted by one of the staff people at the Career Services department. They thought it would be useful to provide a tutorial for the students on communicating effectively as preparation for their official entry into the real world of work and employment. Usually such a request would be of "no great -moment." But this was Harvard.

I have a history of being very good with audiences – engaging, funny, present, open, friendly. So I focused more on the content, figuring the style and delivery would take care of themselves. In hindsight, that was not the best choice. That said, what follows is the lightly expanded outline of the talk I gave. I was diligent in my preparation. Pulling from many different sources and many programs I have delivered over the past twenty years, I reached for the best of the best. I hope you find it useful as a good primer on essential communication skills for lawyers. In the weeks ahead I will flesh out the outline.

Introduction

• Communication is a competence / Actions can be learned and mastered
• Unique Communication Challenges of Lawyers
• Win / Lose Professional Focus – study of case law
• Precedent Based Decision Making – looking back for answers
• Focus on Rational / Reasonable / Non- Emotional
• Communication is "Messy" – Lawyers like things to be "neat"
• Task Orientation
• Hierarchy – Federal / Senior Judges, Partners, Lawyers, Clerks, Secretary's

Why Communication is Important

• The Foundation of Career Success
• Three Critical Skills
  1. Technical Skills – Expert Knowledge
  2. Administrative Skills – Navigating Bureaucracy
  3. People Skills - Communication / Team & Coalition Building (This is the critical skill for success)
• Identity
  1. Perceived Identity / Intended Identity
  2. The Gap – Bridged by our communication in word, deed and presence
  3. Walking Promise
• The Cost of Conflict (which results from miscommunication)
• Direct Costs – professionals needed to intervene
• Productivity Costs – missed time and diminished capacity
• Opportunity Costs – what might have been produced
• Continuity / Relationship Costs – when we need to replace people
• Emotional Costs

Territory

• Roadblocks - Sources of Miscommunication
  1. Lack Clear Agreements
  2. Personality Style Differences
  3. Different Observations / Perceptions
  4. Different Interpretations / Language
  5. Different Feelings
  6. Different Needs / Outcomes
  7. Different Cultures
  8. Different Genders
  9. Urgency
  10. Stakes
• The Conflict Continuum
  1. First Signs of Conflict – Stress
  2. Managing Emotions – what we need to do before engaging
  3. Collaborative Dialogue / Negotiation – How we resolve conflict

Building a Communication Toolbox

• Great Communicators Move Through Roadblocks – They Build a Bridge to the Other
• The Essentials of Effective Communication
• No Difficult People – Only Different People
• Instruments that Demonstrate Differences
  1. PSI (personal styles inventory)
  2. DISC
  3. MBTI (Meyers Briggs)
  4. Influence Inventory
  5. Relationship Strategies
• Developing Emotional Intelligence
  1. Self-Awareness
  2. Self-Regulation
  3. Empathy
  4. Self-Motivation
  5. Social Skills
• Passive / Aggressive / Assertive
• Reacting / Responding / Editing
• "I" Statements
• Know / Do / Feel – before you speak
• S O F T E N – Smile
• Open body posture
• Forward lean – show engagement
• Territory – be conscious of their's
• Eye Contact
• Nod – show you are listening
• Mirroring / Identifying
• Don't Bark Back at Barking Dogs
• When they are Emotional / You get Factual
• Listening
  1. Active Listening
  2. Paraphrasing
  3. Listening Tips
  4. Environment / Distractions
  5. Do not interrupt
  6. Hold Judgments
  7. Ask questions
  8. Take notes
  9. Other Focus
  10. Do not anticipate / think of response
  11. Goal – "Agreements for Result

The Basics of Resolutionary Thinking

• Laws and Principles of Agreement
• Productivity from collaboration. Collaborate in language through implicit and explicit
• Agreements. We never learned the art of "Agreements for Results"
• Max DePree – Covenantal relationships – meeting of mind and heart
• Attitude of Resolution
  1. Abundance
  2. Creativity
  3. Openness
  4. Long Term
  5. Learning
  6. Responsibility
• Valuing Differences
  1. Recognize where you are
  2. Creativity in difference
  3. Natural Genius – the uniqueness of everyone
  4. Making Contributions
  5. Reframing Organizational Politics – how decisions are made about use of resources
  6. Building Bridges – Creating the shared meaning of a "Third Body"
• Creating Agreements for Results
• The Laws of Agreement
• Results vs. Protection
• 10 Essential Elements
  1. Intent and Vision
  2. Roles
  3. Promises
  4. Time / Value
  5. Metrics
  6. Concerns / Risks / Fears
  7. Renegotiation
  8. Consequences
  9. Conflict Resolution
  10. Agreement?
• The Cycle of Resolution
• Listening & Letting Go
• The "I'm Right" disease
• Four-Fold Way
  1. Show Up – I am here to resolve this
  2. Pay Attention – Listen
  3. Tell Your Truth – Be mindful it is not
  4. No attachment to outcome – learn from the process of what your hear
• Telling the Story
• Attitude of Resolution
• Preliminary Vision – Listening for Concerns and Fairness
• Getting Current and Complete
• Agreement in Principle
• New Agreement
• Resolution
• Shortening The Cycle
  1. Facts – Emotions – Agreement for Action
  2. Agreement for Action
• Be Proactive
• Ask for Feedback
• Ongoing Evaluation
• Seek Mentorship
• No Surprises
• Goal Clarity
• Resources
  1. www.resolutionworks.com
  2. www.amanet.org
  3. www.abanet.org/lpm
  4. Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
  5. Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
  6. How to Manage Your Boss, Kristie Kennard
  7. Seven Habits, Stephen Covey
  8. Communicate with Confidence, Diana Booher
  9. Difficult Conversations, Stone, Patton, Heen
  10. Communicating at Work, Adler & Elmhorst
  11. Generations at Work, Zemke, Raines & Filipczak
  12. Men from Mars Women from Venus, John Gray