Resolve to make this the year you get the results you want. It can be easier than you think if you understand and adopt the Laws and Principles of Agreement.

It's the beginning of a new year. For many that means opportunity - the opportunity to begin a new, turn over a new leaf, start fresh and clean-up what has not been working in your office and in your personal life. Many people make resolutions they fail to keep.

Although they sound great in principle most resolvers do not even get out of the gate. They don't begin because they do not know where to start. I have some suggestions for people who are willing to move into action.

Most people do not begin dealing with situations of conflict because they do not know where to begin. They do not know how to start the difficult conversations, and once begun they do not have a road map to follow that will take them to the result they want. I believe that often we make situations much more complex than they need to be. My experience tells me that often a conflict can be addressed in a much simpler way than we think. It can be as simple as recognizing that things are not working in their current state and an agreement is necessary to reflect the way people will work together. This could mean scraping an old agreement, or it could mean a brand new one. What is unique about this approach is that it bypasses the need to get involved in the what we usually label a process of "conflict resolution," be it called mediation, facilitation, intervention, et al. Rather than focus on the "problem" what I am suggesting is that we are better off if we focus on the solution. But let me digress for a moment.

Although it was about 12 years ago it seems like it was yesterday when I articulated the Law and Principles of Agreement for the first time. I was so excited, you would think I discovered a new planet, or hit a lottery jackpot. I was ecstatic because I realized how fundamental agreements were to all aspects of life, and how much suffering good agreements could alleviate. I also knew I would spend a good portion of the rest of my life teaching, facilitating and writing about agreement and resolution.

I think of Laws and Principles as universal truths that are very difficult to refute or disprove. The Law of Agreement, and the Principles of Agreement, is the foundational truths on which this book is based. Like gravity, they are simple and obvious truisms that although usually unspoken, are always present. The challenge is to stay mindful of them, and to live by them. It's very important to remember that although the Law and Principles are simple to understand, they are not always easy to live by. Here they are, as best as I have been able to articulate.

Understanding the Law and Principle

The Basic Law

Every collaboration is established in language by making implicit (talking to yourself about what you think the agreement is) and explicit (discussing the agreement with others) agreement

When we work with someone, take a job with a large firm, get married, buy someone's product, or go out for the evening with a friend, it involves coordinating with him or her. Sometimes we craft long and detailed agreements with other people, such as professional contracts, business partnerships or executive compensation agreements. People hire lawyers to imagine all the things that might go wrong, and all the contingencies the future might bring. They do their best to protect us from the "what ifs" – what if this goes wrong, or what if that goes wrong. They try to make explicit all that they know. Unfortunately, what often happens in the name of protection is that they foster an adversarial relationship. That is the opposite of what a new venture needs.

It often takes some experience to realize that much more important than the clarity of the agreement is the quality of the relationship that develops out of reaching and working within the context of the agreement. As long as the relationship remains functional, people work things out, and any detailed "legal" agreement stays in the bottom of your file drawer! The real key to success of the collaboration is the development of relationship and trust. It's essential to make sure everyone has the same picture, the same vision of the desired result, so that everyone is working toward making that vision the reality.

When we don't discuss the specific understanding we have with the other person or group, the agreement is implicit. The potential for difficulty here is that different people will have a different implicit understanding of what the agreement is. This is usually the cause of conflict. It is an interesting phenomenon to note that as lawyers get older their agreements get longer. The reason is that as a lawyer becomes more experienced the catalogue of things they have seen go wrong expands. Let's look at the principles…

The Principles:

1. The source of productivity and fulfillment in personal and professional relationships is effective collaboration. The more seamless the collaboration, the stronger the results.

When you look at your life, and the culture you live in, evidence abounds of this truth. You can't have an organization without the collaborative efforts of many. The arts of management and leadership are about marshalling and coordinating others' efforts. It is like conducting a great symphony. This is also true for marriages, friendships, and families. In any collaboration, effective end results flow from tight coordination that produces high levels of synergy.

Think of the importance of effective coordination between yourself and a spouse in a highly functional marriage. Imagine that same level of collaboration in a business partnership, work team, department, or branch of an organization. When you have effective coordination you can feel the quadratic expansion of productivity. This is called synergy. It is dependent on the clarity of developing a shared vision and agreements we have with others.

The other critical aspect of agreements is their impact on both personal and professional relationships. Most of the satisfaction we derive in life depends on the quality of our interpersonal relationships - both at home and at work. The clearer the agreement is, the more satisfying the relationship. Everyone knows where he or she is going – no one is holding back. All of their energy is in the "game" of producing results, not fighting insignificant battles. Clearly, the opposite is also true. When the agreement is unclear, coordination is missing, productivity is greatly limited, and suffering and conflict pervade. The challenge is to be "clear" on the vision and desired results, without needing to be specific about every facet of the project.

Aside from personal difficulties between people much of my consulting work involves making sure everyone is operating under the same vision. I just did some work taking care of the conflict between a private agency and a department of state government. The only thing missing - a shared vision of what they were supposed to accomplish together. Conflict developed because this was not put in place at the beginning of the project. So I had to do it after the fact. You can also think of an agreement as the vehicle that creates the container in which activity happens.

2. We work and live in a "sea" (context) of agreements.

You can view your life as a series of agreements. As you go through your day try viewing your life through the "lens of agreement." From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep your life is governed by the set of expectations you have as a result of the explicit and implicit agreements between you and others. You have agreements with all of the following:

• The husband or wife you share your life with
• The soldiers that protect your national borders
• The utility that supplies electricity, water, gas
• The market that sells you breakfast food
• The manufacturer of your clothing
• The municipality that provides police protection and picks up your trash
• The day care center where you leave your youngest child
• The station that services your car and sells you gasoline
• The school board that educates your children
• The company that pays your salary
• The boss you work for
• The company that services your computer
• The restaurant where you eat your lunch
• The garage you park your car in all day.
• The babysitter who took care of your kids
• The pizza shop that delivers your dinner

3. We never learned the essential elements of an effective agreement.

Although it is hard to believe because collaboration is such a fundamental life skill, our early schooling did not include a course in effective collaboration. We never learned how to construct an effective agreement. The only way most of us get better at expressing agreements is because we suffered in the past because one of our agreements was insufficient. This makes us cautious, and sometimes mistrustful, about future collaborations, so we try to get clarity around the things that caused us trouble in the past. Unfortunately, unless we shift our way of thinking as result of our learning or experience, we just get more paranoid and protective as time goes by.

4. Clear agreements are empowering. They express a shared vision, and a road map to desired results.

When an agreement incorporates the needs, desires and vision that each of the people involved is concerned about, you have the opportunity to express a powerful shared vision for the project. What is this collaboration about? What is the detailed picture of the result that will make everyone pleased with the outcome? It's not about you OR me; it's about you AND me! A clear agreement provides a road map to that vision. It details what everyone promises to do to achieve the desired result. The agreement functions to manage the "project," as a map that empowers and enrolls everyone in producing the joint vision. Think of the joint vision as a composite of everyone's individual vision – the vision is a " them AND me," not a "them OR me."

5. Clear agreements improve the chances for satisfaction. They set up the conditions that produce delighted clients, customers, teammates, colleagues, vendors and family members.

A huge amount of the suffering in this world takes place because of unclear, unarticulated implicit agreements. In unclear situations people don't know what to do because they don't know the results expected of them, and what they can expect of others. This causes fear and anxiety. If we took the time at the beginning to express exactly where we were headed, and the route of travel, everyone could rest confidently knowing the value they were expected to deliver, and that the value that others would deliver would take care of their needs. Everyone would know exactly what to do to fulfill their responsibilities for producing the desired end result.

Can you recall the Quaker State motor oil commercial "You can pay me now and have your oil changed, or you can pay me much more later for costly engine repairs!" It's the same way with agreements - you can take the time at the beginning and prevent the potential of a costly hassle later on. It is that simple! And, it is hard work to change life long thinking and behavioral habits.

6. Practice enables you to craft masterful agreements.

Working with any new model is challenging. Most of us want instant success. We want to take up skiing, and head right for the expert slopes. We want to quickly master that new software program. We need some patience. Within a short time the agreement template becomes internalized, and you have a framework for life. After a while you will be making sure that you have effective agreements in place for all of the important aspects of your life. You will be getting good at it, and it will become easy! Be patient, allow yourself to step into "beginner's mind." Let time and experience be your teacher. You will become artful with the use of the template. Obviously, not every situation requires an explicit agreement, and, not every situation requires the "religion" of a 10 element agreement. But, you must start with making the basics an internalized habit.

7. Collaboration and agreement for results is simple, but it is not easy. It requires thoughtfulness and clear thinking on the front end, before you move into action, and a commitment to get through conflicts.

Periodically a state legislator will propose a law requiring more than a pulse and a blood test as requirements for a marriage license. Principle 7 makes a similar suggestion. It is a reminder that doing something effectively with another person is not easy, and can become especially difficult if you don't pay attention to the details on the front end. Just as important – don't be surprised when you begin, and conflicts you either did not anticipate, or thought were resolved, come up.

8. No matter how clear and complete the agreement, everything will not be addressed – conflicts and differences will arise that you must be prepared to resolve.

No matter how much time you spend, no matter how perfect the attempt, you will revisit things you did not think about, and circumstances you did not foresee. We can reduce conflict, we cannot eliminate it! It is important to remember that being "in the process of moving toward clear agreement" is where we spend most of our time, not at that place of perfect agreement. The goal is to "normalize" conflict.

The following metaphor illustrates the importance of being OK about the constantly evolving process of moving toward resolution and agreement. I was recently told that when you fly from New York to San Francisco the plane is "dead on course" about five percent of the time. The remainder of the time the pilot is making constant course corrections. That's the way it is. Learn to enjoy being in process. That's where we spend most of life. This is why an essential element of every agreement is a process for resolving inevitable conflicts.

The critical thing that gets you through the rough spot in any relationship is getting to the place where you not only have a meeting of the minds, but you also have the trust that embodies a meeting of the hearts. The quality of the dialogue about the ten essential elements of any agreement is designed to forge that meeting of the hearts.

9. Breakdowns are not a cause for alarm, they are an opportunity for creativity.

Conflict and resolution are part of the same cycle. Like republicans then democrats, and the Dow going up and then down, breakdowns (a stop in the action moving toward desired outcomes) are a blessing. They provide the opportunity to look at the situation with fresh eyes. From the current perspective you have the luxury of more up to date information from which to act. It is critical to hold the context as one of on-going learning as you work with someone or a group. When things go wrong it's not time to blame, find fault, prove you right or prove them wrong. It's time to learn about what happened so you can fix the difficulty and improve the entire process for the next time you begin.

10. Resolving conflicts leads to new agreements.

Although we don't think about it from this perspective, the end result of any conflict resolution process is a new agreement determining what the relationship will be in the future. This has two important implications:

• By taking time at the beginning of new personal and professional relationships (marriages, teams, joint ventures, employment contracts), we can prevent a great deal of suffering and conflict; and

• When conflict arises the best place to devote energy is to look to the future, and the desired results, and ask what must happen to get there. That will guide you to a new agreement. It is only useful to look at past behavior to improve the future, not to affix blame.

The goal I set for organizations I work with is that when people get into difficulty they can say to each other "this is not working, is it?" They realize that the quickest way to fix the situation is to figure out what is not working about their agreement –what is incomplete about the process, or who is not doing what they are supposed to and why? Next step - make a new agreement and quickly let go of what was not working. The goal is to get beyond devoting any energy to drama, fault, blame or punishment.

Just make a new agreement!

Agreement Audit

That said, I suggest that for the new year you might benefit from conducting an "Agreement Audit." Look at all the people you collaborate with such as:

• spouse or significant others
• colleagues
• administrative support staff
• suppliers
• clients
• opposing counsel
• children
• family
• personal service providers
• professionals

Determine the places you are having conflict. Likely you do not have a good agreement in place with those people. Rather than trying to figure out what's wrong – just put a new operating agreement in place that reflects the vision of what you want the relationship to be. And for those places where you have no conflict imagine how much more powerful your collaboration could be if you had a good agreement in place. To craft those agreements I suggest you use the agreements for results template previously mentioned in this column. Best wishes for the new year!

  This article also appears in Law Practice Today, January 2006

  Adopted from The Book of Agreement: 10 Essential Elements for Getting the Results You Want (Berrett-Koehler 2003)