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For those of us who work in organizations it’s unusual
to ask ourselves what work really is. Often our initial
response relates our work to the technical skill we may
have learned on the job, or studied in school. In truth
that’s important, but it’s not the core of
what people get paid for. Though it might seem surprising,
what we do to earn our keep as part of an organization
is engage in conversations with others.
Although many would say that the conversations are
about the work I have a different perspective –
one that is understood by too few people. I agree with
David Whyte who says that the conversations we have
at work are not so much about the work as they ARE the
work. In other words, our capacity to engage in meaningful
conversations with all of the virtual members of our
teams responsible for contributing to our productive
output IS the work. To say it from the other side –
the degree to which you are being challenged in your
ability to get things done is directly related to conversations
you are either afraid of, or do not have the capacity
to have.
David Whyte, the poet laureate of Corporate America,
calls these conversations
“Courageous Conversations.” These conversations
do take great courage because they are so real. And
because they are real we risk our very own carefully
crafted identity whenever we are courageous enough to
engage. We risk our identity because when we deign to
have these dialogues we risk killing that part of ourselves
we discover is nothing more than a fantasy about our
self-concept that may have nothing to do with reality
outside the ambit of our own mind.
The five conversations David lays out are:
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your unknown future?
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your customers?
- What is the conversation you are not having with
other divisions of your organization?
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your work group and the people you phone, e-mai,l
and speak with everyday?
- And most important: What is the conversation that
you are not having in your own heart and mind, with
your partner and loved ones?
My Interpretation
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your unknown future?
Each of us is always somewhat incomplete because we
tend to live, at our fullest and healthiest, in a
state of becoming. When we stagnate and become rigid
we are holding on for dear life, struggling to maintain
the status quo – not being willing to engage
the real possibilities the future holds for ourselves
and others. When we posture and maintain that we have
the answers and do not need any help we cut ourselves
off from the many potential futures that live within,
each moment becoming a death warrant.
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your customers?
The service we provide to our customers exists on
the very bridge we have built in the conversations.
When we stop having real conversations we are not
engaged in getting feedback about what we might be
doing for them, finding out where they want to be
headed and how we might improve what we are doing.
Yet we refrain, because we’re afraid to find
out the bad news and would rather believe we are doing
a great job.
- What is the conversation you are not having with
other divisions of your organization?
Productivity and accomplishment happen because we
work with others. There is little we can accomplish
on our own. And working with others requires collaboration
and coordination. To improve our processes and gather
information about what we have been doing requires
authentic conversation with others. We must demand
nothing less that brutal honesty if you want to remain
a top producer – and that means having the courage
to find out what is real for the other, all the time.
This is challenging. This is hard work. This demands
courage.
- What is the conversation you are not having with
your work group and the people you phone, email and
speak with everyday?
Get real. Be real. That’s what this commandment
is saying. This is not something you can do sometimes
– you must begin building it into the fabric
of your being.
- What is the conversation that you are not having
in your own heart and mind, with your partner and
loved ones?
This is obviously the most important. If you are not
having the conversations with them that are real for
you then you are living an inauthentic lie. In some
ways it all starts from this. If we are real with
ourselves, then we can be real with everyone. And
when we are brave enough to be our authentic selves
with everyone than our own natural brilliance begins
to shine through. From this place all else is born.
Please ask yourself the five questions. If you have
the courage to engage in those conversations miracles
will be yours.
Stewart Levine, Esq. , is a consultant,
trainer, mediator and facilitator. He is the author
of the award winning “Getting to Resolution:
Turning Conflict Into Collaboration” and
the recently released “Book of Agreement”
that has been called “more practical than Getting
to Yes.” www.ResolutionWorks.org
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