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Connect with Your Client through Active ListeningListening does seem like one of those easy skills that is simply intuitive. Not so. In most cases, when people are listening to others speak, they are also thinking about what they are going to say next. Listening well can be very challenging. Active, effective listening involves not only concentrating and focusing on what the other person is saying, but also empathizing with how the other person feels, and then letting them know that you understand. Think about your reaction when you are trying to communicate with someone who is clearly not listening to you. They may be looking at their watch, looking away from you, or in some other way failing to keep eye contact. Sometimes you can see from their expression that they are only thinking about what they want to say next—and when they can interrupt you to say it. If we are going to build the trust and confidence of our clients, we must not only overcome the bias and the bigotry against lawyers in general, we must instil into our clients the confidence that we as individual lawyers really do care about them. A strong step in this direction is to make sure that your clients or prospective clients know absolutely that you are concentrating when they are speaking to you. First you need to show them that you are listening. One foolproof way is to take notes. Taking notes is a highly visible sign that you are concentrating and tracking what the client is saying. (Obviously, notes will also help you later, when you are reflecting upon the interview.) It is true that during a particularly sensitive interview, where the content is perhaps quite difficult or challenging, some clients may not wish to have their words recorded. As always it is necessary to use your judgment, and of course, where appropriate you will need to ask clients if they mind your taking notes. However, as a general rule, do take notes in interviews. You must also convey to the client that you have heard what they are feeling. To do this, you need first to mentally identify what, in fact, their feelings are. Are they angry? Are they frustrated? Are they disappointed? Are they neutral? Are they apathetic? You need to measure their feelings, and you need to comment on the emotions you perceive. You might say, “I can see this makes you very angry. I can’t blame you. If someone had done this to me, I would be angry too”—or something along those lines. Look for confirmation from the client that you are correct in your assessment. Believe me, if you are not, the client will correct you. They will say, “No, I’m not angry, it’s just that ... [this or that].” In addition to reflecting the emotion back, you must also, of course, let the client know that you understand the facts. Reflect back the basic facts aloud, because then if you do have them wrong the client will have a chance to correct you here as well. They will also be very reassured, again, to know that you were listening, you were tracking with them, and that you understand what the problem is. The final step in listening is to assure the client. Assure the client that you understand how they feel. Assure the client that you understand how badly they want a result. Assure the client that you have the confidence in your own knowledge and experience that will enable you to help them solve the problem as well as anyone in the profession. Finally, assure them of your best efforts—that you will commit to giving your all, to doing whatever you can to help them. As lawyers, we are used to responding to or acknowledging the content or the facts of what our clients tell us. Everybody can do that. To gain a competitive advantage, you need to be able to demonstrate to the client that you heard the emotion as well. If you
you will establish a connection that will far surpass the typical lawyer-client relationship. More information about the book The Successful Lawyer: Powerful Strategies for Transforming Your Practice |
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