David Brooks Arnold

I have known myself to be HIV+ since the first reliable test appeared in 1985. My then partner, diagnosed positive at the same time, died in 1990. I am among the some 2% of those diagnosed "positive" in whom the disease has not progressed, to the continuing perplexity of the medical profession.

I had not talked openly about my condition until September 2000-not because I was ashamed or concerned about stigma, but because I did not want people to feel sorry for me. I certainly have not felt sorry for myself. A series of circumstances culminating in a conference of African Red Cross societies in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, that September led me to speak up. A young volunteer from the Ugandan Red Cross spoke openly about his HIV+ condition and asked whether there were representatives from other Red Cross societies who also were positive who would be willing to talk about how they coped with their condition. I was the only one who spoke up.

Subsequent to Ouagadougou, the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies, with headquarters in Geneva, decided to make a video for worldwide distribution of conversations with HIV+ Red Crossers addressing the issue of coping. Of some 30 million paid and volunteer Red Cross staff worldwide, only four other individuals besides myself chose to participate in that video. I was astounded. Only five of 30 million Red Crossers were positive? Or was it rather that only five individuals were willing to speak up about their condition?

I have, however, since then discovered to my consternation that there are few HIV+ people within the larger international humanitarian community-including the AIDS community-willing to talk about their experiences. Most HIV+ people I have encountered belong to associations of positive people who expend a great deal of their energies talking only to other positive people. Many within those associations speak of stigma and the fear of stigma. Yet I fear that there is a great deal of self-stigma within these associations.

How can we combat shame if we ourselves are ashamed?

As one who has survived, I have resolved, for the remainder of my professional life, to speak out in ways that enable others to survive. I address at any opportunity given me, two communities: those not yet affected, so that they may know very clearly, from someone who did not know at the time, what can be done to prevent infection; and those already affected, so that they may know that their lives are not necessarily over and that I'd like some company in conveying my message.

David Brooks Arnold
Special Assistant to the President
Intenational AIDS Trust
Washington, DC
Email: dbarnold@internationalaidstrust.org