Promise Mthembu

I learned about my HIV status in 1995 when I went for my tuberculosis check-up. I was 20 years old at the time. (I think that I was infected when I was 15 years old because my child, who is now 12, is also living with HIV/AIDS. The doctors speculate that the child was infected at birth.)

I was pregnant. I happily agreed to have an HIV test at the time, never thinking that the result would be positive. When I received my result, I was shocked and angry. I had been part of an HIV/AIDS project while at school. I knew about AIDS, but I just didn't think it would happen to me. I had one sexual partner, was from a religious family, and was not sleeping around.

I found it very difficult to disclose my HIV status. After much soul-searching, I came to terms with the fact that I was HIV-positive and that I could do nothing to change the situation. I accepted myself as a woman living with HIV/AIDS. I told my partner and my family. My partner was shocked and found it hard to believe. My family was supportive.

Anger led me to attend AIDS meetings. I wanted to change the way AIDS work was being done. After all, if AIDS prevention were working, I would not have been infected. Five months after learning I was HIV-positive, I began to speak openly about living with HIV/AIDS in an effort to prevent others from becoming infected.

My parents were not happy about my speaking openly about living with HIV/AIDS. They are staunch Catholics and felt that my openness would impact negatively on the family in the eyes of the Church.

At eight months, the baby I was carrying died in utero. Three days after I discovered that my baby was no longer breathing, I was induced and I gave birth to a stillborn child. This was a horrifying experience for me. One day later my partner lost another child that he had with another woman. This child was also stillborn and the cause was also an infection in utero. I began to realize that HIV was really in my body and was causing slow damage.

Losing two babies also made my partner worried. Up to that point, he had being denying that he might be infected. He started to question how he could be HIV-positive, and he began to blame me for bringing HIV into his life. It did not stop there. [He] went to his family and told them about my HIV status, but neglected to tell them that he was HIV-positive too. He told them that if anything happened to him, I would be responsible.

The abuse began growing daily. He beat me because he was HIV-positive and frustrated. I had to accept the way he was treating me - if I challenged his actions, it meant that I did not care for him. He demanded that I support him despite his abuse of me. It was at this time that I married him. We'd been living together for a while; he had paid lobola (bride wealth) to my parents. Although I knew the relationship was abusive, I felt I had no choice but to marry him.

Marriage changed nothing. He became more and more angry with me for attending AIDS meetings and giving talks about my personal story. He was jealous of my meeting other people who are HIV-positive, saying that I cared for and supported other people at his expense.

Although we were both receiving counselling and information about the necessity of practising safer sex in order not to reinfect each other, he forced me into unprotected sex because I was his wife and he had paid lobola for me. My life became an endless circle of beatings and unprotected sex, especially if he was drunk. I could not take it any longer and I left him, despite the cultural disgrace and shame that it caused.

Three months after leaving him, I became sick. The doctors diagnosed a cervical cyst. I was hospitalized so that the cyst could be removed. However, the doctors also found out that I was pregnant. I did not want to have a child at this stage and requested that the pregnancy be terminated. The doctors agreed to the termination only on condition that I consent to being sterilized. I had no option. Because of the attitude of the nursing sisters, it took three days for my termination to be performed. I had to put up with the judgmental attitude of the health-care staff, including their disbelief that a woman with HIV would get pregnant.

My story highlights some of the negative aspects and issues of being a woman living with HIV/AIDS. However, things are not all negative. It is possible to live a positive life with HIV and its stigma and discrimination; the obstacles can be overcome.

Promise Mthembu is a Global Advocacy Officer, Sexual and Reproductive Rights, with the International Community of Women Living with HIV and AIDS. The complete text of this testimonial is available at the Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network.